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Ecstatic Oblivion
MeNobody14 (2013-04-25 10:46:10)Nice story.
The story is basic.
The story is original.
The only thing concerning is the mall scene.
The biggest grammatical annoyance is when you write, "He would say" or, "And she would [blah blah blah]" Its really confusing. Other than that I'm giving it a thumbs up!
It's time for review, kiddo!
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The front of the letter displayed "Evelyn Lara". Striking her curiosity, she opened up the letter, only to find out it's a hand-written confession. "You have always caught my attention from the second I saw you. You're beautiful, you're smart, you have talents and I would love to know more about you. Meet me under the maple tree during lunch time." Her heart beating fast "I wonder who this could be..." She said softly. Consealed with noises from the students around her in which she was immune to, she took some of the wording into contemplation, saying to herself "He must be sophomore too, since we have different lunch periods." She quickly glanced around the room to check for any suspicion, mostly towards the male students, and didn't want to consider taking female students as a option, due to her morally acception towards life. Her mind went towards the front the second she heard the bell ring, class has started.
Throughout half the school day, she remained in daze after reading the letter, until the moment arrived where she's meeting this mystery person. Clearing her throat, she got her lunch food in a cardboard plate, and went outside to the only tree in the school yard. Cautiously, she would walk towards that rendezvous maple tree. Squinting her eyes, from the sun directive towards the eyes, she saw a figure already sitting down by the tree. "H-hey Evelyn." He would say, almost choking up in disbelief. "Why hello... ummm" "Oh, my names Tate Powell." Evelyn searched him from the side of her eyes as she sat near him, against the tree. "Nice to meet you Tate." She said sweetly. He seemed very healthy yet slim, tall, and gave out a inviting feeling to talk. "So... you-" Came out of Evelyns lips "So... I assume-" Came out of Tate's lips, interupting each other. "Yea." They both said and laughed, as if they answered each others questions.
There was a moment of silence as they both ate lunch served chicken nuggets with some barbeque for sauce. "I can throw it away for you if you'd want?" She nodded, as she was still chewing. Evelyn would consider the letter, as it's the only thing she can think of from him "So do you really feel that about me?" She would say, Tate knowing what she's referring to. "Yea, every single word, I want to go out with you... after school if you don't mind?" She paused for a second to think about the answer to give him "Sure, I wouldn't mind, it's just a bit sudden, I would have worn something better if I was going out." "Don't worry about it, you look amazing, with or without clothes." He paused to think what blurted from the mouth of his, before blushing "A-ahhh, that's not what I meant-" Evelyn just giggled and took it as a compliment "Okay, I know I'm beautiful" She would pose out of a reaction to see if his face can get anymore red. "Where do you want to go?" He would say out of shyness. "I don't know, you're the one offering me." "Let's go out to the mall then." "Sure."
School ended fast after that, there was no meeting place after the assigned date, but they both met under the maple tree regardless. "Ready to go?" "Of course." They both walked towards a mall a few blocks ahead, while Tate broke the silence. "I've seen you quite a few times at school, but never around someone, you don't have any friends?" He would say as nicely as possible. "I do but we don't really talk all that much where we spend time... It's because I'm really a quiet person, so it's not like someone will just walk up to me... but if you consider it, you're a friend to me." She would say, while Tate remains quiet, in amazement after hearing a series of words from her lips. "Of course you are, I can consider myself lucky, and since I'm out with you- the luckiest guy!" He would say after a few pauses, so happy he didn't thoroughly think his sentence much, the need to say something nice to try and make her smile. Evelyn giggled at him from the way he expressed that, showing a face of admiration.
As they arrived at the mall, they walked side by side. Their first idea was entering an arcade, Tate would run up ahead a few steps, only to open her door "Ladies first." He would say in a British accent as he bowed. "Ah my, what a gentleman." She would also say within a british accent. As Tate stuck a few bills to convert them into quarters, he looked at her and asked "Want to try that fighting game out?" Without hesitation, she head towards it and stood as 'Player 2'. As Tate put the necessary quarters required for two players, they were immediately thrown into the character selection screen. The red box outline represented 'Player 1' while the blue box outline represented 'Player 2'. Tate chose the main character of the game, knowing he must be the best, whilst Evelyn chose some blonde hair woman with a revealing outfit for a costume. As the match went from "Ready? Fight!" The first idea for Evelyn was to mash buttons and kick his butt entirely, laughing at the animations of the characters when she caused her character to do that, while Tate tried to understand the control setup in little as five seconds, pressing each button at a time and pressing two seperate ones at the same time to see if it would cause anything. Evelyn peeked over at Tate, his concentration was fired up towards the screen, eyes reflecting as a mirror. Somehow Evelyn managed to win and she jumped up and down in excitement, over seeing "Player 2 wins!". "Good job Evelyn." Tate would say holding out his hand to shake hers, but Evelyn immediately hugged him, the way he acted and how all that played out, just appeared cute to her.
After coming out of the arcade, there was small boy crying. Evelyn walked up to the boy, putting her hands on her knees as she bent down and smiled "Are you lost?" The boy took a look at her with his blurred from tears eyes "...Ye-ah..." He would say behind a few gasps from the sobbing. "Big sister here will help you find your mommy, okay?" Evelyn got a napkin and wiped his eyes, followed by his nose, who's mucus dripped down no lower than his lower lip. "What's your name little brother?" "My name is Tommy" He would say cheerfully. While looking for the kid's parents, Evelyn ran with Tommy to a Candy Shop and Tate stopped her by grabbing her arm. "We are looking for the his parents, they wouldn't be inside." "How would you know?" She said in a soft tone. "If you were to lose your kid, would you go inside stores?" She stopped and thought, taking a knee in front of Tommy. "Stay here, okay?" She went inside. Tate looked over at the boy, the boy doing the same, then they both looked away. "So... What does your mom look like?" Tate asked as nicely as possible. "She has big balls here" He would place his hands over his nipples under his shirt. "and has a lot of hair like this." He would put both of his hands over his head and spontaneously move his hand over his head. Tate stood there, avoiding himself to squint his eyes. "What was the color of her hair? Do you know what she was wearing?" "She has black hair and red lipstick and umm... she wears a red big shirt!" Tommy would say and then he would get the feeling of worry, starting to feel sad. Tate picked him up from his waists into the air and looked at him. "Don't worry, we will find your mom, okay?" "Okay!" Evelyn stood there, smiling, while she's holding a bag of peach rings.
Evelyn and Tate would closely observe the Mall Directory Map, elliminating possible choices, finding out it wasn't his mom responsible for taking care of him, it was his dads. "Was your dad going to eat?" Evelyn asked Tommy. "Yeah! A kids meal!" They both immediately head toward the food court, taking a route that leads there, in case they encounter Tommy's father along the way. While arriving to the food court, they looked around. Evelyn looked until her eyes met a woman crying at a table. "Tate!" She jumped up and down happily. "Mom!" Tommy would yell out and run up to her, dropping the peach rings he was carrying in his right hand. "Tommy?!" She would gasp under her breath, almost exaggerated. They ran towards each other, Tommy's mother wrapping his arms around him, the anticipation of finding her lost child vanished, putting her at ease. This moment being shared between Evelyn and Tate, Tate holding her hand by intertining the fingers in the spaces of their fingers. Evelyn didn't mind and she squeezed Tate's hand, confirming that she's okay with this. "Thank you so much for finding my child." She would say while keeping a equal share amount of eye contact. Tommy would run up to Evelyn and hug her leg. "Thank you big sister!" "You're welcome little brother." Evelyn would say, getting all teary. "Do we need to find your lost dad too?" Tate would laugh and Evelyn would push his shoulder. "Hey! Be nice!". "It's fine, me and Tommy will look for him together." After that, Evelyn and Tate would walk to see more of the mall.
"You're great with kids" Tate would say, smiling. "You really think so? You are too!" Evelyn would say with a small chuckle. They both headed to a clothe store, a mercer walked up to them, asking if they needed assistance but they both shook their head. Evelyn would wear a strapless dress and she would pose, putting her arm behind her head, her other arm along her waist. "How do I look?" She would say, as if she was modeling for him. "The same as always." He would say with a heart-warming smile. "You could have at least complimented me!" She laughed and posed a bit to herself, and subtly at him while her attention is towards the mirror. "That was a compliment!" He laughed and hugged her from behind. The instant he hugged her, she jumped a little. She saw his face through the reflection of the mirror, only to see his red face, turned to the side. She quickly tugged his shirt and kissed his cheek. "Thank you." She said and instantly went in behind a curtain to change into her normal clothes. While putting on her bra, Tate went inside, her reaction was to hide to cover herself in a corner "I-It's Taken!" Tate turned her body around, lifted her chin up and met his lips with hers. Her mind went from worry to a cherishable moment, as he took the intuition of being the one to leading her into a deeper more passionative kiss. She would push her breasts against his chest, his whole figure having her pinned in a corner, yet she responded with wrapping her arms around his neck and standing on her tiptoes. After a while of kissing, they would pause and lean on each others forehead, then looking at each others eyes intently. "You're welcome." He would whisper to her and run his hand over her cheek until noticing she was half nude. He would instantly back away, face completely red, stepping on the curtain, and breaking the pole that the curtain was hung to, completely exposing her to the public. Everyone in the store looked, on a clearance day too. Tate swiftly got himself to his feet, picked up the pole and kept it up into place until she changes, so that they can fix it. "So... sorry... hurry up and change."
"You're such a jerk!" She would say to him, the moment they left the store, walking a few steps ahead of him. "I didn't mean to do that, I... I was literally swept off my feet by y-" "Yea, whatever Tate" She interupted and sighed. He tried to calm her down by holding her hand but she pulled it away. "Hey, just stop already, you were covering yourself that whole time for three entire seconds until I stood up and covered you!" She sat at a bench near a fountain, wiping her eyes, Tate stood next to her and put a around her shoulder. Evelyn got a rush of anger. She took her hand out, Tate noticed, and proceeded with a slap after a second of hestitation. She gasped realising what she had done, covering her bottom face with her right hand, her left hand feeling a numb shockwave after that slap. "Why didn't you block it!" She said in a concerned tone, taking a few breaths, her face looking sorrowful. "If it makes you feel better, I will take it again." She then laid her face against his chest, her crying being quiet sniffles. He ran his fingers through her hair and rubbed her back, reassuring her that he's there. "I love you Evelyn." He said quietly. Evelyn pulls away, wiping her eyes and face before looking at him, noticing his confidence he kept along with his words. "I love you too." She said after clearing her throat. They both proceeded to giving each other a deep kiss, Tate departing it on Evelyn's bottom lip. "You always make me smile." He whispered to her, everything happening around them becoming completely secluded in their atmosphere. "You make me smile too." She would say, not knowing how to respond. "Let's get home now, it's already Eight." She jumped in an instant, wondering what her aunt can be possibly be thinking. "Okay, I need to review and think over today, it's too much happiness to sink in a single day." Tate said, the blush on his face hiding the slap left by Evelyn's slap. Evelyn touched his cheek and kissed it gently, Tate escorted Evelyn to her house, holding hands the entire way. "Have a good nights sleep, a sweet dream, and an even better tomorrow to look forward to." Tate said, arriving at her front doorsteps. "You too, sleep well." Then they parted with a simple kiss. "Oh, add my number, you live close by to me, only like three blocks away, we can walk together to school if you want? I'll call you in the morning." Tate said his number and Evelyn remembered his exact number thanks to her memory after hearing it a few times. "If you don't call, I'll call you." She told him her number, he actually saved it to his phone, and left with a small hug.
"I'm home!" Evelyn instantly said the moment she closed and locked the door. "Welcome home, where were you, are you hungry?" "I'm... a little hungry... I was out hanging out with someone." Evelyn said distractedly as she watched Tate walk home through her living room window. "Oh, so you made a new friend? That's good, what's her name?" In a surprised tone. "His name is Tate." She giggled, danced around, then threw herself into a couch. "That's a prett- You're friends with a boy? Did he give you anything? Did he touch you?" She was cautious and curious as she looked at her from the kitchen. "Not really... he's a nice guy, he's sweet, funny, and cuuuuuute!" Her mind filled with joy, in awe, and perfect. "Well, your foods ready." She said. Evelyn got up and ate an egg sandwich, said good night and went to her room, putting a night gown on. Evelyn turned off the lights, and laid on the bed, the ceiling became fuzzy countless dots, unable to tell the difference between her eyes being open or completely shut. Suddenly Evelyn drifted off in her sleep, imagining what tomorrow would be like. Evelyn drifted off in a dream, spending time with Tate at a nearby park. He acted less sweet than he usually does, almost completely stoic. No emotions were attached in anything done in the dream. It almost felt like karma was taking over. Tate walked through some door in the middle of the park, his whole figure becoming see-through before even entering. The door closed, followed by dropping down. Evelyn ran to where the door was, but nothing was there. Evelyn jumped up and down to what seemed the door depleted into, but nothing happened. Until suddenly everything around her started to become blank, being more obscure and even blurry. Everything around her was vanishing. Evelyn broke into a cold sweat and realized it was just, a dream.
Evelyn woke up to the sound of her alarm at 6:30AM, taking a shower, putting on spring clothes, hair, brushing her teeth and ate some toast as she awaited for a call from her cell phone. Evelyn remembered his exact words from his lips "I'll call you in the morning." School starting in twenty minutes, why isn't he calling. At the moment, she remembered his exact number and called him. There was an intercept message. "I'm sorry; the number you have reached is not in service, or temporarily disconnected." "Could he have gave me the wrong number... I wonder if I misheard him." She tried again but no luck. She went to school, knowing that she will be late if she hadn't, wondering if he forgot, if something happened along the way. Close to school, there was a crowd and a school bus parked wrongly in the street. "No!" Evelyn screaming incomprehensible, instantly thinking of Tate being injured. Making room into the crowd, there was a kid in the middle, with an injured leg, into what seemed crashing into his bike, without a helmet on. That took a huge relief off of her, still confused and grew more worried about where Tate really is. She went into the school, skipped her usual routine and head directly to the classroom and looked inside her text book, only to find nothing within the book, turning every single page, confirming that it's the exact book had the letter. "Okay..." She said considering the fact that other students use the same exact books, wondering it's only logical that it wouldn't be here... immediately thinking someone else must've read it since it isn't here. Class started and so did she.
When half of the day ended, lunch time began. She took that time to get her lunch and went straight toward the Maple Tree, the anticipation of seeing him sitting down there, and hear him say a wild excuse. He wasn't there. "No problem. I'll just wait for him here." Evelyn ate her lunch, every passing second stressing her out. "Maybe he's absent... god he's driving me crazy!" She said after a sigh, her heart pounded at the sound of the bell. She remained there, sitting down and tearing up, being late one of her least concerns. "Hey there, don't cry." A figure would sit next to her and rub her shoulder. "I'm scared..." Evelyn breathing heavily. "Why, what's wrong?" The stranger said sweetly. "My boyfriend... he hasn't called me... he didn't visit me... he's not here at school... and we met on this spot right here." Evelyn said, her choked up vocal cords preventing her from talking normally. "He's most likely fine, I'm sure there's a obvious explanation for everything, let's get to class first okay?" She said in a reassuring tone. Evelyn nodded and took a look at this considerate person. "My names Catherine, what's yours?" "My name is Evelyn... thank you." They both hugged each other, Catherine patted her back. "Let's go to class before we are late!" She said in a silly panicky way, her facial expression of horrifying terror making both of them laugh. "Hahah, okay." They both walked towards their classes, none of which they had together. "I'll see you after school okay? Same place!" Catherine said after jogging into place for no reason. "Okay, sure." Evelyn said after a smile, her way of saying thanks.
Evelyn was in no mood of having to study, learn, or write anything during the last three periods of class, but she pulled through. Evelyn went to the maple tree, and to her surprise, Cathrine was already there. "Why hello Eh-vah-len." She said putting her name into syllables, Evelyn laughed but went along. "Hey there Ca-ther-in." Putting a lot of emphasis on the in, making them both laugh. "Where are we off to pootertot?" "Wherever I guess... sudnerfib" Evelyn said, pausing to think of a creative gibberish comeback. "Want to come over at my house?" Catherine asked. "Sure, why not." Evelyn said, wondering what they would do. Catherine's house being a mile away from school, wiping their feet on a carpet that read "Welcome Home!
"I'm home!" Being the first words to come out of Evelyns lips the moment she closes and locks the door. "Welcome home sweetie. Anything new? Where were you?" "I went over to my friends house." "Oh, you met a new friend? What's her name?" She said, surpressing her joy. "Today, I met a girl named Catherine, and she's superrrrrr wonderful!" Evelyn dropped her bag on the couch. "Oh... well, that's great to hear, I'm so happy for you. If you want to eat something, I ordered a pizza, it came by half an hour ago." Evelyn went and ate two pizzas after heating them up, took a shower, brushed her teeth, and head off to sleep. She instantly fell soundly to sleep. Evelyn was instantly sent to a dream, not of Tate, but with Catherine. Eating some sandwiches at a park, a picnik. When they both talked, it seemed as if it were underwater. It was not long before that mysterious door popped up and Catherine started to fade away, even before opening it. The same transition happened, the door closed and it tumbled down backward. There was no point in walking up to it and discovering what it was. Of course the dimension Evelyn was in faded into blank nothing until she suddenly woke up. "Ughhh..." Evelyn woke up, her eyes blurred. She sat there, staring at a blank wall, until she snuck one of her bare feet within the blanket. "It's cold..." She forcefully got up, got dressed, fixed her hair, brushed her teeth, ate some toast and went off. Evelyn had her hands in her pockets, passing by Evelyn's house, her destination towards the maple tree. She arrived, but Catherine wasn't there, neither was Tate. "I'll just wait for her then." She said to herself, having her back against the tree, her sigh bringing out steam. She would close her eyes there, feeling relaxed. She jumped at the sound of the warning school bell. "I should have visited her house first..." Evelyn head to her school room, putting her warm hand on her cheek the moment she sat on the desk.
Struggled endeavors of different subjects, testing your capabilities, showing your true potential at what your future hides and what you will become; otherwise known as school. Lunch time began and Evelyn was calm about getting her lunch, she headed toward the maple tree. She walked suspensefully and to her surprise. No one was there. Evelyn laughed and sat down against it. "It's fine, they'll come." She assured herself. Evelyn continued eating what was on her cardbaord box to no avail. Her mood suddenly changed, she looked around, there was a bunch of chatter. When she looked behind the tree, there was a school gate open. "I have fifteen minutes..." She told herself, feeling very naughty at the thought of doing something she normally doesn't. She knew she could get away with it, her voice, personality, her appearance. Evelyn managed to go through the gates without being noticed, she then went a block around school to not get caught by any teachers or school guards along the school. Evelyn's heart beating fast for no reason, managed to walk up to Catherine's footsteps, the atmosphere to her house having a different feel. There was a "For Sale!" sign. The mat at the doorstep was different colored only read "Welcome Home!" This didn't concern Evelyn at all, she just continued with ringing the doorbell. After a few seconds of waiting, a woman answered the door. "Yes? May I help you?" Her voice sounding annoyed. "Ummm, hello, is Catherine's home? Is she okay?" Evelyn said, her heart beating fast. "Catherine? Who's that?" She said puzzled. "Do I have the wrong house...?" Something wasn't right here. It felt like her life was a miserable prank. "I guess so young lady." She said sweetly, but something stirred within Evelyn. "May I look inside for a moment?" Evelyn said, not taking no for an answer, feeling the need to take option two if she has to. "Sure..." The woman agreed and let her in. The house was really messy, it had very distinct smells, and felt different. Evelyn immediately head towards the room Catherine calls hers. Evelyn opened the door and there was absolutely nothing, but a few boxes. "What?" Evelyn's hope fell apart, she cried, falling to her knees. "I live here alone, this room was completely vacant since I moved in." The woman said, hoping that would answer her question. "How long have I been asleep for... maybe that's it!" She laughed, as a self-defense to what she's actually feeling. "Hey lady, who lived here before you?" Evelyn yelled at her, as if she's the blame for this. "Well... I think there was a couple of old people living here before me." The woman said, patiently, trying not to stir Evelyn up as payback. Evelyn left the house on her own. Evelyn was feeling worried, anger... and lonely. Evelyn walked away from her house without looking back, hearing the sound of the door close like in her dreams.
Evelyn quickly went to her house. She went and checked the mail, she instantly noticed the date of them. They were a day after she went to Catherine's house."What?!" She screamed, ripping that letter and turning it into 'Broken Paper'. "I know I'm not crazy, I know I'm not!" She yelled as she ripped the paper into more smaller pieces. She stopped and ran to her room, looking for anything out of the ordinary. Nothing, but her room the way she left it. Throwing her body into the pillows and crying. "What's going on... please stop." Sobbing, her entire pillow moist. She looked at her cell phone, no text messages, voice messages, or missed calls. Evelyn immediately ended up calling Tate, there was no service. "Why... where's Tate... where's Tate... where's Tate..." She repeated, her face growing sadder for each time she said it, curling herself up. She cried, unknowing the difference between a dream and reality. Three months have passed, wondering the whereabouts from who she calls her best friend and her boyfriend. During those three months, Evelyn created a scene at school, taking it out on the maple tree. As usual, Evelyn walked to school, opening her locker, going to the vending machine and grabbing a bag of chips, going for a drink at the water fountain. Evelyn entered the classroom and saw Tate stand right next to the desk, she dropped her chips and ran toward him all choked up. "Tate!!" She screamed as she embraced him tightly, his presence piercing through her. "Ummm... How do you know me...?" Went through Tate's lips as he took a look at her. Evelyn took her hand out and slapped his right cheek. "Slap me again, if it makes you happy." Tate said as he ripped up a paper in his hand.
Comment here or there, I appreciate any compliments or criticism equally.
2013-04-19 22:39:47