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Spencer/mega Memorial Thread
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Started by SackThing101
(2018-08-13 05:02:14)
RedArt (2018-08-14 00:04:59)
there is no justice to be served here. never the less incredibly sad.
ScootsRiver (2018-08-14 00:05:02)
Spoiler: show
Last I talked to him was July 13th; 2 days beforehand. He had sent me something I didn't reply to, but that was normal for me. It was odd that he was offline for full weeks, but even then, something like this was completely unforeseeable. I can't possibly comprehend why this would happen, Spencer never seemed to give the slightest shit about anything anybody said about him. He would joke all the time and from what I could tell, never even showed a hint of anything related to depression. He was legitimately talented, he was funny, he was smart, he had a job, he had plans for his life, and as far as I could tell, was getting ready to move to Phoenix. He was an awesome friend, and I can not stress that enough.

I am going miss him... I already do.
Love you, Spencer.
Rest easy buddy.


This post has been edited one or more times, the last time was:
2018-08-14 00:06:13

Boo (2018-08-14 03:30:55)
I can hardly even comprehend this right now, jesus. I mean, sure, I wasn't really ever close to him, but knowing someone for years only to then never be able to contact them again is just. Depressing. I never would have thought Mega as depressed, but that's exactly what depression does. Sneaks up on you when you least expect it.
AlexAlmighty (2018-08-14 14:20:28)
Never really knew the man personally. I really got a kick out of his "3DSPlaza Thread Simulator" YouTube series. I remember asking him last year to unlist the videos so I can watch them again.

It's really scary and sad to hear that this happened, but if anyone is suffering from the same issues, please, for the love of god get help.
I'm Alex Almighty.

That's about it.
Wesker (2018-08-14 14:27:31)
How did you find this out?
Lani (2018-08-14 18:26:10)
I honestly feel so sad about this. I can't help but feel like I could've done more, because I knew this was coming.

Trigger warning: Sensitive/mature content... show

I don't know if it's exactly appropriate to talk about his final hours and the details behind his death, but Plaza has never been a place for political correctness, and Spencer was always open about this sort of stuff with everyone I don't think there's anything I could say here that he wouldn't want any of you to know. Also, I think it can be important to be aware of his behavior...perhaps it can prevent other's heartaches if we know what paths towards suicide can look like.

I was in a Discord group chat where he was open about everything. He had been talking about doing it for so long...he started flirting with the idea, and began researching the most painless way to go. He then tried choking/suffocating himself a few times to see how it felt. Nearly every day he would talk about how miserable he was. He was obsessed with feeling like a victim because he was circumcised. Every single day it seemed all he would talk about was lolis, circumcision, and suicide. He would put some effort into fixing his life: foreskin restoration, moving out of his parent's house, aspiring to go to Japan and teach...but he just continued to go downhill, mentally.
A couple days before he passed, he was going to hang himself...this is what he posted in Discord on the 14th, the day before his death: I don't wanna be dramatic and post too much but I'm ashamed of myself for trying so hard to kill myself tonight. [...] All day at work I was thinking tonight is the night I was gonna end it all, 100% guaranteed with full suspension. So I leave a note in my room like saying where I'll be hanging, sneak out at night with my backpack with a stool and rope and [ish], and go into a wash that's maybe like 1/2 mile away. The entire time I'm walking there I don't feel angry anymore and I thought it was because I know it'll be the end, so why get angry?

Then I get there, set everything up, and just cry in disgust at myself for what I'm trying to do. Can't do it. None of my problems matter anymore, like at all. I feel so retarded right now.[...]
When I said [my problems] don't matter, they still do, they just didn't in that moment.
I woke up and I feel like as usual. I just realized last night that I don't wanna die.

He said his "suicide BS was done for good now" after that experience...but apparently not even a day later, he did it after all. His last messages were short, abrupt replies to was evident something was off. And then he never responded ever again. I got suspicious when it had been a week without activity. I even searched funeral home websites in his area, and went through all the obits, but didn't find I held out hope until I finally logged back into Discord just a few hours ago and noticed everyone talking about it. Deep down I think I've always known, but the confirmation is a bit devastating.

Many of us were there for him. We all told him we didn't want him to do it, and that we enjoyed his company. I insisted several times that circumcision wasn't a big deal, but he wouldn't hear it...he was absolutely obsessed with, if not addicted to, the feeling of worthlessness over lacking a flap of skin. I don't think that was his sole reason for killing himself, but it does shed light the distressing state of mind he was in...I wonder if his snowballing downfall could be traced all the way back to his some of his other somewhat disturbing behaviors throughout the years. Perhaps all the warnings have been there since we've known him...

He needed counseling, that's for certain. I don't think I, or any of us, could have said or done anything to stop him...but I wish I tried harder, regardless.

I certainly wasn't his greatest pal, and he's not someone I necessarily ever considered a "friend"...but he wasn't such a bad kid once you got to know him. He was fun to hang out with. Once I accepted his quirkiness (even if I'd still gripe about it at times), I enjoyed his chats...Discord (and Plaza, for that matter) isn't the same without him.

Spencer would often talk about what he thinks is on the other side...I guess now he knows.

This post has been edited one or more times, the last time was:
2018-08-15 01:56:34

ScootsRiver (2018-08-15 01:15:08)
Jesus Christ. At that point, our Discord messages were my only contact with him, and he never even hinted that he may be unhappy with his life. It was always us talking about our interests, or just talking just to talk.
Why didn't he tell me about any of this? I hope he didn't think I wouldn't care...
Boo (2018-08-15 03:12:14)
There's obviously much more than circumcision that plays into it, and even then, depression doesn't discriminate when it comes to how ridiculous or small something is. I can understand how painful that must've been for Mega, though.
ScootsRiver (2018-08-15 11:57:51)
Yeah, but those weren't the problems - and he was only as "weird" as the average internet joe, he just vocalized it for the meme.
SicSemperTyra (2018-08-16 04:18:42)
Holy ing . And to think I was talking about him a couple days ago. Goddamn.

I was actually thinking about my time on this site yesterday, and easily the one person I saw during my history on this site who stood out the most was mega. He was such a frequent user of this site, even all the way to 2018, and he was present for a lot of stuff, and thus he stood out a lot. I especially remember how when he deleted his account back in 2016 and took the Chat Thread, the biggest thread on this site at the time, with him. He's definitely the most memorable person in the history of the site, at least in my opinion.

It's chilling that my last post before learning about this was about mega, and it becomes horrifying considering the circumstances of his death, which I knew nothing of (since I don't participate in the discords and ). This really makes me realize how much of a better person I could've been to not only him but everybody on here, and I think this should make everyone here consider their behavior as well.

On an unrelated note, posting the suicide hotline doesn't really help in circumstances like this. It's more of a last resort for someone who is literally right about to kill themselves. They basically try to stall the person until the police arrive and try to disarm them. For someone who isn't right about to kill themself, this happening would cause much more emotional distress than if they didn't call at all, and might actually have reverse effects. What we can all do is try to check up on people if they are having problems, and to recognize the signs when people are suicidal, and try to offer them comfort. We all need to recognize our self-worth and the self-worth of others.

If the gofundme is still open when I get an adequate amount of money to donate, then I definitely will. In the mean time, Rest In Peace, Spencer, and may God be with your family in this time.
brb dying inside
Windwalker (2018-08-18 11:03:38)
Aw no.... I liked Mega. Hope he’s not in pain wherever he is <3

Anyone mind if I change this?
PANZERFAUST (2018-08-19 03:29:19)
That's not funny.
I miss you
Boo (2018-08-19 09:46:30)
You should've saved your jokes for when Spencer was alive. Nothin' shows cowardice like spitting in a man's face who's not there.
Cr1tiKaL (2018-08-19 10:06:13)
Farewell, old friend.
TapRoot0ak (2018-08-25 05:53:50)
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